Exercisers Anonymous

It's been 28 days since my last workout.

I can imagine that this is what going through withdrawal feels like. I am crawling out of my skin with restlessness. Exercise is my tension reliever, my daily meditation, a feeling of strength and endurance. I can't run, lift, cycle, climb, jump or do anything that will put strain on my back.

Walking has become my new exercise. It's the only thing I have been given approval to do physically, so I walk. Walk to work, walk during lunch, walk to the store. I try not to think about the fact that I have taken 28 days off of my marathon training. The more I consider it, the more I think that I will have to pass on the marathon this year. I'm so disappointed, but the risk of jumping back into the grueling training as soon as I'm given clearance is not worth it. The physical pain is not worth it.

Taking a step back from exercising has been both positive and negative. I feel like a sloth, slower in my movements because of the pain and protective instincts. The energy I get from working out is missing. At work I feel like I'm being teased all day, members getting on and off cardio equipment without any hesitation, weights being thrown around without any concern of the possibility of injury. I've become the strange gym goer who just does stretches.

On the other hand, I've never been so respectful and patient of my own body. As a fitness professional, I've always pushed myself past normal limitations. Triathlons, teaching several classes in a day, overtraining for races. Push through the pain was my exercise credo.

Taking a step back, or being forced to, has given me perspective about honoring my body. As I get older, I can't expect myself to be able to continue to exercise to the extent that I have in my 20's. I've been forced to consider a more reasonable balance. Working out doesn't have to mean killing myself for at least 60 minutes a day. While both extremes don't seem to be working for me, I will have to reevaluate a balance that includes exercise as a part of my life, but not the main focus.

Going cold turkey wouldn't have been my first choice, but if I can't learn a lesson from this injury, then I'm bound to repeat it. The marathon will be there next year.